Not Very Fun Times
by Fandom Infatuation
Summary: Waking up in someone else's body is inherently neutral in nature. A rare space-time event that switches up your everyday life. But when your new fate is to fall in the hands of Satan and his strangely convoluted plans, that's where you put your foot down and scream enough. That's when Uchiha Obito shakes up things for good. (Self-Insert Story) [Warning for LGBTQ themes]


Notes: First fanfic! Didn't think I would actually ever do it. I always wrote around 500 words then I would give up because I didn't have anything more to write. This will be mostly wish-fullfilling stuff, but I posted it anyways. Hopefully someone likes it! Warning for LGBTQ+ themes. Cross-Posted on AO3 as well. Will update as frequently as I can.

* * *

At the moment I feel fuzzy. Hazy. As if the crowded city I was in would continue moving while I faded away.

Or some nonsense like that.

Walking down the city streets while having a minor headache isn't the best thing I could be doing right now. _(That would be sleeping in my bed.)_ To be truthful, something did feel off though. Like I wasn't quite there, where I was. I had to snap back to reality soon, no more musings. I'm not alone, my mother and my brother are here as well and we got to get moving. I hold his smaller hand in mine, he's still a kid after all, and try to keep up with our mom, her mind worrying about this and that which she has to do.

There was it again, that feeling. This time though I... I froze for a moment and clutched my stomach. _Pain._ It hurt _so much._ As if all my body was about to break down all at once. And then as fast as it came, it passed. Relief. I drew a shaky breath. Everything felt fine. Like that didn't even happen. Like the body hadn't felt so much pain I thought I was about to die. Like. Like. Like.

My brother tugs at my arm, worried a bit and I begin moving again. Albeit, not for much.

Everything felt like a drag. The people passing me moved so fast, the cars, the sounds, it's all too much. Disorientating. Confusing. Fake. I began feeling my heart pumping and my hands are clammy, unstable. I hold his hand tighter.

No. No, I won't have a panic attack in the middle of the street. Especially not over absolutely nothing. Get it together man! You can do it!

I breathe. I'm here and alright. I breathe again. I'm with people I care about. I feel better. Safer. I take another step. And everything comes crashing down.

I black out.

* * *

I start slowly gaining consciousness sometime after. Everything feels different. Foreign. But familiar at the same time. I'm sleeping on a bed -my (?) bed, my mind supplies- cooled down. And surprisingly, everything feels okay now, if a bit sluggish. I just woke up after all. Need five minutes to come back on, yeah? I move around my sheets some more.

 _Wait._

Why am I not at a hospital or something? Mom is probably worried sick, I should go and tell her that I'm awake and fine. Who, my brain asks. Real helpful there buddy. And right on time, I feel nature calling. Another reason to get up. Groggily, I stand up, sitting on the edge of my bed, stretch a bit and begin my way to the bathroom.

Huh. Weird. I don't remember my room being this small. That's because it's not, another part of my brain says. Sure.

I step into the room and then. Then I take a look of myself in the mirror. And in my brain starts infighting, Civil War II I name it, the first being what I'm eating for dinner each night.

The little -not that little!- boy that stares back isn't me.

It is. Is not.

 _It is. Is not._

IT IS. IS NOT.

I inspect the figure a little closer. Wild black hair, dark (black?) eyes and a chubby face. Definitely familiar. I knew that face, my brain agreed on that.

It's me- It was the face of Uchiha Obito.

 _What._

 **What.**

I must be dreaming, right? Right. Yes. Little magic ninjas don't exist. And I'm not a fictional character. Logic dictates so. Yeah. Yeah, that must be it. I take a deep breath and rub my eyes.

Obito in the mirror does too.

I stumble out the bathroom and slam the door shut as hard as I can. Gotta get away from that thing. _No, no, no, no, no._ NO! This can't. Be happening. None of this is real. It can't be. It. does. not. make. a. single. lick. of. sense.

I proceed to sit down on the floor. My head is pounding. I scoot closer to the bathroom door, leaning my back against it and hugging my knees tightly. My whole body is shaky. Tears roll down my face silently. I close my eyes and, just, hope everything gets back to normal. Back home. This is home, another part of my self reminds me. And the tears come down harder.

I could... I could try and make sense of this. I bonk my self in the head and try to figure things out. Think, idiot, think! Put the puzzle together. I was walking with my family in our hometown. Yes, and then? I begun feeling awful and I... I blacked out? Bingo. Okay, we are getting there. What's happening now? I think I am -you are!- Uchiha Obito. You know, from Nart? Haha, _Nart._ Possible explanations, Mx. Genius? A really vivid and long lucid dream? No, no. I would be able to control it. I don't feel I'm in control here, I feel lost. Desperate. Hallucinations still have some basis in reality, and I can't recognize where the hell I am, so nope. Definitely not. Unless, I somehow found myself in someone else's home, which probably isn't the case. What else is left? Hmm- Oh Gods, _**no.**_

I could be in a **coma.** Right now I'm probably lying in a dingy hospital bed, plugged into weird beeping machines, with mom and my little brother crying by my bedside, begging me to wake up. A-and then if I don't wake up from this freaky dream world my brain constructed, I'll- I'll ...! I sob out loud this time. I don't like to think what would happen.

Hey, this could be real, my brain nudges me. Even as impossible as t-that sounds... It's certainly a possibility since, to be honest, this does not feel like a dream or hallucination. I pinch myself on the arm. Yup, felt it. I look around me and I can discern the details that wouldn't be present in a dream. How the floorboards shine, the spider that is up the in the corner and the creaking of the wood under me. Fully conscious, it seems. Th-that can't be too bad? I shake a bit harder. It's hard to accept that, you know, I'm apparently living a fictional characters life. That I'm fictional.

Wait. Oh _shit._ Ninjas. Rin. Kakashi. Rin! Madara. Kakashi. The war! Minato! Kushina! I'll fight in a war! I'm a child soldier with magic that will be thrown into a war! For Gods' sake! I'll cause the Kyuubi attack! Naruto! Madara! I'll get crushed by a boulder. FREAKING MADARA! AND I'LL DIE! An-and... I'm-I'm all alone. No family. No one to care for me. I plunge my face into my hands, so that my sobs won't be heard, and cry. Cry to my heart's content. Cry till my face turns red. Till my lungs start giving out. Till I'm too tired to cry anymore.

So, half an hour later, there's no more tears that I can cry. And I stand up. Or try to. My feet, no, my whole body, feels wobbly. Determined, I enter the bathroom again. This time I see a sad and lonely 9-year-old boy, red and messy from crying, more real than he seemed before. I still can't accept that he's me but... Whatever this is, it feels- it is real. I have to accept that at least. I splash water on my face and blow my nose until I feel better. More stable. I take a look in the mirror and try to smile. My cheeks dimple, in this body too, and hey, Obito is- I'm cute, that's a plus right? Right. Now came the difficult part.

It took me what felt like a year, a bit of awkwardness and lots of toilet paper on my hands, but I managed to pee. This was going to be weird. Not that I felt any better in my AFAB body, but at least I was used to that. And wouldn't you believe in my luck, I'd have to go through puberty a second time. I'll grow way taller, that's the good thing about that whole ordeal.

I'd have gladly returned to sleeping after the shit show that was my cry session and ignore the rest of the, then fictional, now oddly real, world. I was emotionally drained. But alas, my hunger swayed me! Which led to my second problem. Cooking. I knew a total of shit tits about it. I mean, I knew some things, but not enough to provide myself with homemade and healthy meals every day. Would I even be able to fully take care of myself? This was really the first time someone put me in charge of taking care of both myself and an apartment. My own dang apartment. WHO WOULD LET A 9-YEAR-OLD LIVE ALONE? Jeez. I massage my temple. Great. Not to mention I was picky about food, picky about a lot in general, and when I wasn't home I'd have to eat whatever was available. Or East Asian cuisine which I never tried before. I can't even hold a pair of chopsticks! I grabbed an instant noodles packet out of Obito's- my cupboards and began boiling it. It should work kinda like pasta shouldn't it? It did. I chicken out on trying the broth or seasoning it comes with and head straight for my favourite topping. Cheese.

Turns out the fridge had no cheese. But hey, I was productive, I threw out whatever had mold growing on it, mostly forgotten leftovers. Which Obito- me should know that they are a sin not to be eaten. You monster! I make do with basic seasoning and a bit of a salad I manage to make for myself. While I was there, eating away, it downed on me. I will have to fake being Obito. In front of people who have known him for some time, and to add to that, will probably throw me in an interrogation room if they find too much wrong with me. Fun. Okay, it shouldn't be so difficult to fully act like him, just amp my dramatics by a lot. That... does actually sound like fun. Don't know for how long I can keep that up though, I'm an introvert, socially awkward and hate taking risks. Though some of his personality, I fit to a tee. Bull-headed, antagonistic, doing before thinking, childish and not really the most organized or responsible. Yup. And this train of thought led me to my third problem.

Not only are the people around me shinobi and I live in a stratocracy, but I'm part of the system as well. A ninja. Soldier. With supernatural powers. And I didn't know how to do any of that. Yay. I let my head rest on top of the table. This is frustrating. Not yet, a part of my brain corrects me. Not yet what...? I'm not Genin yet, it seems to say. What? I almost jump and stare down the calendar with kitten pictures that's sitting comfortably on the wall ahead of me. The date circled is April 20th, Monday and it has graduation written on it. Apparently I can read kanji now. Wait. Does that mean I speak Japanese now too? Wild. Okay, okay, back on track. Today is Saturday. It's a week away. I haven't passed and officially became Genin. And judging by my lack of knowledge in the magical ninja powers department, only a miracle will save me now.

Not really. So far, from what I can understand, Obito's knowledge is still here. But I can't depend on it since it seems to be an unconscious response more than anything. Turns out I'll have to do some digging myself. Yay, learning new stuff, nay, having to do so in a short time span and if not done things will not go so good. All in for AUs or whatever but hey we can't fuck it all up. Besides Obito wants to be Hokage, I owe him to at least try. Despite me hating unnecessary violence. Despite me not wanting to have blood on my hands. Speaking of AUs, am I living in one? I guess, I'll have to see for myself.

I clean up after myself and change into Obito's signature- my, ugh, "shinobi" attire. No hitai-ate though, so Obito's- my hair falls down and frames my face. Not a lot, it's still pretty short hair. I lock up and exit my apartment, N.15, keys in my belt. Shit, I live in an apartment. Shit, Obito likes to help old people. Shit, I don't like interacting with people I don't know. Shit, did I forget my keys and lock myself out? Nope, there, in my belt. I sigh.

I am exiting the building pretty much unseen. Unseen as in I pass by absolutely no one. I count that as a victory. But there, on the ground floor, climbing the stairs to get inside I see a old lady. Mechanically out of my mouth comes a "Yuki-obaasan, do you need any help?" Match name and face and remember it bucko! This old lady's name is Yuki. And mandatory suffixes? This was going to be a pain.

"Ah, Obito-kun, if you aren't in hurry, could you help me up the stairs? My bones aren't what they used to be," She replies with a warm smile. Once, she had told him about how she used to be a kunoichi during "the good old days". She doesn't like talking a lot about it, I remember.

"Of course! I was heading out, but nothing urgent!" I say as energetically as I can. Yuki-baasan holds my arms and we head up the stairs and into her apartment, N.02.

"If everyone could be like you, Obito-kun. Thank you very much. Have you eaten launch? You can stay if you want," She bows her head slightly and throws me a fond smile. I tilt my head and begin scratching it .

"Nonsense, Yuki-obaasan. Just doing my job. And thank you for the offer, but I've already eaten. See you later!" I bow my head more in return and wave to her as I leave. I have _plans._

Before I can get to that, I realize something as I exit the building. I live in the Uchiha district. Passing me are so many people who look the same. Same black hair, same black eyes. And the same damn fan being everywhere. Clothes, signs, banners. Symbol of our clan, yes, but does it need to be everywhere? As I head out, I admit I look around and marvel at the place like a tourist. Reason one being, I wanna learn my way around if I'm going to be living here and second being not only am I seeing it in real life, it's also livelier than normal. Livelier than it was in the series.

That's because everyone died.

I froze in my tracks. The Uchiha Massacre. How the hell could I even forget that?! Fucking Danzo. Fucking Obito- me! I got involved as well for whatever sick reason! Poor Itachi. Poor freaking Shisui. Poor all of them. This shit is fucked up. And the Uchiha coup d'etat, that's also fucked up. How will I handle any of this?!

Suddenly, my back hairs stand up and I feel like I'm being watched. Turning my head around, trying to spot the culprit, I notice a group of men gathered around a corner shop, a bunch gossiping hens. They are looking and pointing towards me, snickering. Meanies. What could they even be saying about a 9-year-old? I focus and try to catch a whisper of what they're saying.

Surprisingly, I do?

"Wow, and then they want to be Shinobi, they tell you!," The loudest man chortles, trying to hold in his laughter.

Another one quickly adds "What did ya expect? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, after all."

"What do you mean?". The youngest of them ponders.

The same voice as before responds. "Ya don't know, huh? Kid's father was a lousy Genin and his mother was Keiko-chan~. You know her pretty face, that-".

Before I could even comprehend what's happening, my mouth trembles, my fists clench, I turn tail to the opposite direction and woosh- I'm gone.

 _Literally._

I've jumped 20 meters in the air. It's exhilarating. The world goes in slow motion, there's a sense of freedom I've never felt before. Faster than wind, lighter than a feather.

And all of that is completely lost as I proceed to crash down a roof top, arms and feet flailing in the air, my course inevitable. Thankfully, muscle memory kicks in and I do a perfect roll as I land. Okay. Wow. Chakra. Didn't expect that. Useful for listening in to those bastards, but... I AM NOT DOING THAT EVER, AGAIN. PERIOD. I don't have a particularly good relationship with heights. I look down from the edge of the building. Wow, wow. I'm too high up. I scoot closer to the centre. Safe. Less chance of falling down. To my surprise, I'm not as scared as I usually am. No bad thoughts and no imminent dread. Just mild uncomfort. That must be because Obito isn't scared. No, Obito is used to this. And soon I will have to be too. Just my luck.

My eyes are stinging now. Obito did not kid around when he said that stuff got in his eyes. I touch my face and it's wet. Why would I be-? Oh. Obito is crying. Whatever they were saying made me sad. That's why I was ignoring it. I bite my lips and look downwards. Okay, okay, don't cry, yeah? Those guys were just mean. I gulp down the bile that has risen in my chest and rub my eyes. No tears. Maybe Obito's- my family is the reason why the clan doesn't care for me in comparison to other orphans. I dig my fingers in my arm. Yeah, leave these thoughts for later. You got your point across, Obito. I will reach the end of this family angst later. Now, I have a job to do.

Learning to navigate around and figuring out chakra. Yes, Obito was chronically late, but not this time! I really don't want to be stressing around whether I'm late or not and whether I'm in the right place or not. Sigh. Well, some of me being late will be ignored, because Obito, but I can't be late because I'm lost. That would be uber suspicious. The second one is pretty obvious yeah? Pass and become Genin, not to mention survive.

Who let 9-year-olds be soldiers again?

Anyways. I have to find a Shinobi library and somewhere to train. Both away from the Uchiha District, preferably. Less to worry about that way. No people who could gossip about me. At least, I don't think so. So I clench my buttocks, get in the proper stance, dash a bit and up, up and away! Only if I didn't land in the exact same place I jumped from. Heat rushes to my cheeks. That was a failure with a big, capital F. Thankfully, no other Shinobi were around to laugh at me. Or, Gods have it, question me. Now, now, it will get me a bit to get the hang of it, and I will have to be fast about it, but-.

 _Fucking._ Shinobi can hide, dingus.

Oh shit, _ANBU._ Shit. ANBU could be watching me. Without me even knowing. Right here and now. Analyzing my every move, how I act, seeing through me-.

Needless to say, I run like the wind. Parkouring and chakra boosted leaps and everything. Of course, I slip up lots but nothing to major. My body stings from the bumps and bruises, while the times I got shit scared from almost falling were not little in number. But always in those moments, in the nick of time, my muscle memory kicked in. Whatever it is they're teaching at the academy, I have to admit it's effective. That's because they have us do it so many times- Obito adds. It's weird that I can keep at it for so long, running without losing my breath... It's nice. Being this capable is nice. Chakra in general is pretty neat.

What else is neat is Konohagakure itself. The view is amazing. Just seeing it drawn isn't comparable to the real thing. Giant, living trees hugging a sizeable, lively village, almost entirely out of wood. Quite quaint and scenic. I'd have to say the central piece is the Hokage Monument though, undoubtedly. Not to ignore the Hokage Tower or other impressively big buildings like it but... The Hokage Monument is awe-inspiring, especially to someone like me who hasn't even seen Mount Rushmore in real (Can I even say that anymore?) life. It gives the whole area a certain feel. Stern, almost protective, gazes over the everyday lives of their people. A reminder of a promise. Safety.

After an hour, and many detours to avoid other Shinobi (Gods, I'm not ready for that), I finally reach the Konoha Library. It's a large building that is open and welcoming. As I head inside, I see a big board detailing the layout of the place. The ground floor is divided into three sections, with only Section C, the last and smallest of the three, being dedicated to Academy student, A and B are open to everyone regardless of clearance. Huh, that's a pleasant surprise. The other floors are for people with actual military ranks. And so, I begin moving towards the end of the building.

Wow, this place is pretty big. Lots of books, packed neatly and... scrolls? Okay, yeah, scrolls. There are not that many people this time around it seems. Some meandering around like me, others nose deep in books.

"-ber?," I hear someone say. It's a teenager stationed outside a set of doors labeled Section C. They're wearing both a Hitai-ate and a flak jacket so, a Chunin?

"Snap out of it, kid," They say staring at me, their arm crossed, fingers tapping their other arm.

"Ah, sorry about that Chunin-san. Could you repeat what you said, please? I didn't hear you," I apologize, bowing my head and making a cute smile.

They roll their eyes at me. "I asked, Ninja Registration Number?"

Jeez. Did I have that? Yes, I do- Obito assures me. Of course. I had to prove I was a Shinobi. Thing was, I didn't know it. Oh Gods. Come on, what was it, what was it?! Before I can think another thing, I answer them. "010886, Chunin-san."

They raise a eyebrow at me and start rummaging through a long scroll. After a second or two, they nod at me, open the door and motion me inside. I dash inside as fast I can. Phew. Okay. Alright.

Section C is virtually empty. Excellent. Marvelous! I look around undisturbed, weirded out that I can read the Japanese titles. I pick out a pretty old scroll called "Academy Student's Introduction to Chakra", written by the Nidaime Hokage (?!), and a book that seems relatively recent , "Hand Seals: Basics, Tips and Tricks". The hand seals are going to be a bitch, so I better start with them. I can't believe that each E-Rank basic technique has a different scroll. How am I gonna learn all of this in a week, seriously?! Not to mention, weapons and balance and navigation and survival skills and, and, and! They just keep piling on and on. So I take a deep, calming breath, sit on my nearest table and I read.

Me both understanding and not Japanese is unnerving. I end up having to open both texts at the same time, as seal knowledge requires chakra knowledge and the reverse. From time to time, if no one is around to see me, I practice the basic hand seals, slow as I may be. It's tedious but I have no other choice. I've got to pass.

"Am I dreaming? Someone call me a Medic-nin, I am seeing Uchiha Obito in a library, studying." Someone jokes from behind me. I jump a bit. I didn't hear them at all. No shit Sherlock, they must be a Shinobi to be here. They caught me, just throw me in T&I already.

I turn around and meet their eyes. It's a boy around my age. Classmate probably. He is... familiar? Smug little face and square. I definitely know him. Something about that care-free air he has around him. I don't know. And then it clicks. _Sarutobi Asuma._

"Cat got your tongue?," He asks, coming closer to me. Come on quick! What would a 9-year-old say to be kinda mean?

"At least I don't look like a cow licks my hair every morning." I just sit there, pouting at him.

"Ouch. Mean," He says closing one eye and jerking back.

Asuma promptly sits across and picks up one of my texts. "No, but seriously, what are you reading?"

"Hey!" I attempt to grab it but he simply pulls out of my reach, laughing. I grumble, cross my arms, turn my head the other way and pout again. No fair. He's just a few centimeters taller than me.

He takes a good look at it. " 'Hand Seals: Basics, Tips and Tricks', huh? Pretty basic. I won't give it back till you tell me what you're doing." He grins.

"What does it seem like I'm doing? I. Am. Studying," I say pointedly at him.

"Nope." Asuma then holds it further away from me.

I plop down my arms on the tabletop and rest my chin there. I groan. "Fine. I want to make sure I pass the exam. Content now?" He throws the book at my face and I catch it. Nice save, Obito.

"Yup. Just came here to borrow some scrolls on basic E-Rank elemental Jutsu. See you on Monday," He says, standing up, nodding at me and leaving.

"See ya," I say back, waving at him as he leaves. Good kid. Kinda weird talking to someone I previously thought fictional. At least Asuma didn't look like he did in the series, then I'd be having another panic attack. Bless him.

It's pretty late in the afternoon now. I check out my two books. Turns out people without Hitai-ate can borrow texts 3 days at most, unless they have a membership card. I'll have to make do then. I pack my things and start searching for a semi-private training ground. I prefer my being alone, thank you very much. At least, till I can get used to living here. But, I have to get going. I can't be outside at night. ANBU are not nice.

After a bit of searching, I find the perfect spot. A cute little clearing, grass spread and a bit overgrown, training equipment left unused for some time, surrounded by thick vegetation. Perfect. Tailor-made just for me. No one probably hangs around here. The timing I found it was great too. The sun was setting. Everything looked serene. Today was pretty good for waking up in a body that was not mine in a world of uber strong ninjas, eh?

Content, I return home. Home, huh. I hum along as I move through the apartment building and greet the one or two people I see. Maybe...? Maybe I'm leaving behind my old life too fast? Yeah. Okay, so temporary home then. There, better. Before I can grab my keys and enter my apartment, I notice a figure approaching me.


End file.
